Monkey magic

Just got back from a two-day hike on one of China's most sacred Buddhist mountains - Emei Shan - and boy are we rooted. Yesterday we set off on a hike along a mountain path which was basically a set of steep stairs going straight up a mountain. And up, and up and up. Those of you who have been to Vancouver, think the Grouse Grind... for 9 hours!


It was a pretty walk through beautiful bamboo forests, fir trees like Vancouver Island and misty monastaries. After about 7 hours we got to a spot where you could jump on a cable car to the top and Sarah wisely decided to take that option. Of course I was way too stubborn to have machine-assistance and decided as a matter of personal pride I needed to hoof it the whole way. Five minutes after she left and I saw the steep staircase going up forever I almost cried. Two hours later when I reached the top I had a physical breakdown and collapsed on the side of the path, but after forcefeeding myself some chocky I recovered sufficiently to walk the next 7 steps around the corner to where Sarah was waiting for me. Thankfully we were able to sort out a great veggie meal and a room, both in a buddhist nunnery right on the very peak!





The walk up was nice, although unspectacular as a heavy fog lay over the path for most of the time. Going down today was incredible though! We took a longer route back, the fog lifted and we saw so much stunning scenery that we could barely walk for snapping photos. Until the monkey attack that is.

We were just minding our own business, ooo-ing and ahh-ing (and occasionally swearing in pain when we had to take a step or two uphill) when suddenly a big aggressive monkey crashes out of the bush directly onto the path in front of us. We did as we were told by other tourists and held out our hands, palms up, to show we had no food (people constantly feed the little bastards, so now they don't see people, just walking neon signs saying "MEAL TICKET!"). Anyway this monkey apparently didn't believe us, so he thought he'd check for himself. He boldly strode up to me as I ineffectually waved my walking stick in his face, grabbed onto my left leg and shoved his hand right into my pocket. He pulled out a tissue, threw it away is digust and thrust his hand back in to ferret around some more. When I yelled at him he hissed and bared his savagely long incisors.

So there I am with a large monkey attached to my leg, his hand in my pocket and his open jaws some three inches from my balls. Two options run through my head. I could stand there lamely while he continued looking through all my pockets and eventually strip-search me in the hunt for peanuts. Or I could crack him sharply over the head with my walking stick and risk a severe chomping. At this point I had a vivid flashback to sitting in the travel doctor's office a few weeks ago saying "Three hundred bucks for a rabies innoculation? Bugger that, I'll take my chances!"

It was while I was lost in this reverie and the monkey was merrily going through all my possessions that Sarah acted heroically and saved the day. She grabbed the nearest big rock and pretended to hurl it at the monkey's head. He snarled and backed off, giving me the chance to grab a rock of my own and chase the monkey with it, shrieking "You want a piece of this, monkey-boy? Not so tough now are you, ya tissue-thieving bastard!!!" Then Sarah pretended to throw the rock at my head and, with me suitably subdued, we continued our walk.

Later on we passed a ton of other monkeys without further incident, thanks to holding rocks in our hands and showing them to the monkeys as we passed by. We also trekked past river, waterfalls, caves, cliffs, through about 4 different microclimates and some of the most gorgeous mountain scenery the two of us have ever seen - will post some photos when we get the chance. And we had lunch at a place called the Hard Wok Cafe - how could we not eat there with a name like that? Another 8 hours of walking down and that'll do me. Time to crash and have monkey-nightmares...